Signs of an abusive relationship | Abuse and violence | ReachOut Australia
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There is now far greater understanding of the frequency of men as victims of violence and abuse in their intimate relationships. It is important to remember: Men, like everyone, are entitled to the full protection of the law If you are at risk of injury, it is better to report it to the police than do nothing or act out physically You are entitled to be treated with respect.
If you are not satisfied appropriate action is being taken to protect you, report it again until your situation is understood and your safety is being addressed. What can I do when in a violent or abusive relationship? Report it Let someone else know what is going on. Talk with a person in a position of authority police, lawyer, doctor who will know your rights and responsibilities or who can put you in contact with a professional for expert advice.
When contacting police, in some circumstances they will be required to take action if your safety is at risk. Get support It is important that you find someone you can confide in about your situation. Talking about what is happening is very important and can undo some of the feelings of isolation and helplessness that are common in men who are the victims of violent and abusive relationships. This person can have specialist skills such as counselling, but that is not essential; it needs to be someone who will listen to you carefully and be available as you move through the process of working out how to manage the situation.
Develop a safety plan Develop a safety plan if you believe your safety, or the safety of others, could be at risk. The safety plan is a predetermined course of action to use when you decide there is an imminent risk of violence or psychological harm children can be harmed psychologically when witnessing repeated abuse.
The safety plan is designed to create distance and remove the likelihood of an incident happening. Your safety plan may include things such as: Under what circumstances will you leave the family home?
Where will you go that is safe? What is your long term plan? Will you take the children with you? Do you have the right to take the children with you? Who needs to know that you have activated your safety plan? Keep a journal of incidents This could be useful if you need legal protection or police intervention. Will your partner change?
Your partner may feel remorse after an abusive incident, but the abuse is unlikely to stop unless they seek help or you remove yourself from the situation.
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The decision to stay or leave a relationship is yours alone. However, talk through your decision with trusted others beforehand. Understand what you lose or gain from staying in a violent, abusive relationship, or from leaving. This page is available for download: Call us on 78 99 78 or register for online counselling.
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Experiencing a violent or abusive relationship
Family violence is not limited to physical violence or sexual assault, it can also include emotional abuse and social or financial control. Here MensLine Australia looks at the different types of abuse and what you can do to stop. Learn More Common misconceptions about couples counselling For some men, the idea of couples or marriage counselling is a daunting concept. You know that you have been arguing a lot more recently and neither of you is happy, but is couples counselling the answer?
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Signs of an abusive relationship
You may think that physical abuse is far worse than emotional abuse, since physical violence can send you to the hospital and leave you with physical wounds.
But emotional abuse can be just as damaging—sometimes even more so. Economic or financial abuse: Economic or financial abuse includes: Rigidly controlling your finances Withholding money or credit cards Making you account for every penny you spend Withholding basic necessities food, clothes, medications, shelter Restricting you to an allowance Preventing you from working or choosing your own career Sabotaging your job making you miss work, calling constantly Stealing from you or taking your money Abusive behavior is a choice Despite what many people believe, domestic violence and abuse does not take place because of an abuser loses control over their behavior.
In fact, abusive behavior and violence is a deliberate choice to gain control. Perpetrators use a variety of tactics to manipulate you and exert their power, including: Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They may make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as their possession. Humiliation — An abuser will do everything they can to lower your self-esteem or make you feel defective in some way.
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Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-worth and make you feel powerless. Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on them, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. They may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone.
Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their partners from leaving or scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets.
They may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services. Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimidation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. Denial and blame — Abusers are adept at making excuses for the inexcusable. They may blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, or even on you and the kids, the victims of their abuse.
They may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. Often, they will shift the responsibility on to you: Abusers are able to control their behavior—they do it all the time Abusers pick and choose whom to abuse.What you MUST do to LEAVE an Emotionally Abusive Relationship - Stephanie Lyn Coaching
Usually, they save their abuse for the people closest to them, the ones they claim to love. Abusers carefully choose when and where to abuse.