Your Needs List: Rock Your Relationship - The Dragontree
Below is a list of relationship needs to help you begin the process of identifying your needs. As you read through the list, it's important to note. What you Need in your relationship may be very different from what you Want. In relationships, it's easy to confuse the two: needs and wants. That said I see folks all the time with this long list of Wants and Needs and when they meet with. If our partners are unwilling to meet our needs, the relationship cannot thrive. If we are unwilling to meet our partner's needs, the outcome.
By creating a safe space for your woman to open up to you emotionally and sexually, you will be giving her a very powerful gift- you allow her to grow within your relationship and undo old emotional damage.
To Feel Seen Women want to feel seen. She wants to feel you hearing her, and being aware of her emotional state. Will I be suffering for days or weeks before he is aware of it or cares enough to help me through this? I guess I have to rely on myself for my own emotional support.
You have to constantly show your partner that at least one person will be witness to her and her journey through life.
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- Marriage Help: How to Identify Your Relationship Needs
To Be Allowed To Be Nurturing Just as masculine energy has the need to protect, feminine energy has the desire to nurture. Women want to see the cracks in our armour. They want to see that we trust them enough to open up to them. They want to be able to help us through our sadness. This is exactly how it feels to your partner when you push her away when you feel the most vulnerable.
This lack of vulnerability and authenticity is what is making you and your partner suffer. So let her in.
How to Figure Out Your Unmet Needs
She wants to love you. Men mess up their relationships in these three specific ways. You have sex with your partner. Women need to feel sexually desired. They want to make sure that you see and appreciate them as a feminine, sexual being.
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Feel her and grab her appreciatively. Remind her that you see her as a sexual being and you will both benefit. To Be Appreciated The feminine in all people responds primarily to praise and appreciation. Remind your partner that you love her. Tell her that you appreciate what she brings to your life. Show her how much she means to you.
The fastest way to run your relationship into the ground is by ignoring your partner and taking her for granted. Appreciation is the opposite of those things. Appreciation is the embodying this mindset: Women want to know that we can handle ourselves when life happens.
They want to know that they can count on us. I share the scene from the movie How Do You Knowwhere Reese Witherspoon plays a character whose entire life is turned upside down when she is cut from the professional softball team that has been her entire career.
She obligingly goes to see a therapist but before the session starts she talks herself out of it, willing herself to believe she doesn't need it. The psychiatrist, who knows nothing about the situation that his new client is struggling with, watches her walk out the door before any conversation occurs.
And in what I think is the best scene in the movie, Reese sticks her head back in the doorway and basically challenges him to sum up his best therapeutic advice for life before she leaves. Without batting an eye he responds: When I get upset at someone, I try to stop and think, "What is it I really need?
Marriage Help: How to Identify Your Relationship Needs - Strengthen Your Relationship
Not just what action do I wish they did right now. But what does that action represent to me? What is it I'm craving and longing for?
Which could then better inform our response because I dare say most of us, when frustrated or hurt, are more likely to respond in some way that will actually leave us feeling more disconnected; in other words, less likely to actually get our needs met. We want to feel acceptance, but instead, out of our hurt we judge the other, almost guaranteeing that we won't feel accepted. We want to feel intimacy, but instead, out of our insecurities we start trying to impress instead of share, almost guaranteeing that we won't leave the conversation feeling deeply seen.
We want to feel harmony, but instead, out of our fear for conflict, we just ignore the problem, almost guaranteeing we won't feel a safe connection to the other because we know we didn't really deal with the issue.
I mention the Nonviolent Communication Method in my chapter on forgiveness as it's a fabulous method for helping use articulate what we need in relationships.
And here I want to actually share with you their list of needs we have, with hopes that it will help you start identifying which ones you might have right now. When we start the work of being responsible for knowing ourselves, it's helpful to have a list that allows us to try on different words: Is it x or x that resonates more with me?
With time, we become more familiar with the options, becoming more adept at naming what we're craving.