How not to obsess over a new relationship

9 Effective Ways to Prevent Yourself from Obsessing Over a Crush | StyleCaster

how not to obsess over a new relationship

STYLECASTER | How Not to Obsess Over a Crush. Photo: STYLECASTER/Getty Images. It's very common to get super-excited over a crush or new person you're suggests Allison Agliata, a psychologist who specializes in relationships. How To Stop Obsessing Over Someone You Just Started Seeing three years now — but the trail of not-boyfriends in my wake speaks to the fact Nothing bursts the new relationship crazies like actually getting to know the. When you're starting a new relationship, it's easy to obsess 24/7 over Unfortunately, no matter how much you hope a guy will text you, thinking about it won't.

When you put these tips into place you will likely find that you are not obsessed any longer and actually feel good about the current situation and who you have become.

9 Effective Ways to Prevent Yourself from Obsessing Over a Crush

You may actually find that man in your life is much more attracted as well. Neesha Lenzini, MS - www. Follow the 6 steps below So, you are preoccupied with your lover.

how not to obsess over a new relationship

Your thoughts constantly revolve around this person -- their wishes, their wants. You place their needs before your own, if you even think about your own needs at all.

Or maybe your thoughts are incessantly focused on whether he or she is paying enough attention to you. So, you interpret every little action or non-action as a sign of their caring or rejection of you. The upshot is that this relationship over-shadows almost everything else in your life. Consequently, you are always on high alert. In that way, your vigilance serves as a kind of protection from what you construe as impending loss. If any of the above describes your love relationship, then it is likely more about pain than it is about enjoyment.

And relationships are meant to be enjoyed! Then there is this: Instead of drawing your lover closer to you, it may actually drive him or her away. Because your lover will pick up the vibe no matter how well you try to mask it. Your fixation is not attractive. However, there is a way to obsess less and enjoy your relationship and your life more, but it will require commitment on your part and a complete change of focus. So, if you are committed and ready to step out of relationship pain and into relationship enjoyment, I would encourage you to: So, be curious about what the fear is about?

Then challenge the reality of the fear. Or, is your fixation on your lover a distraction from other issues or problems in your life that require your attention? Switch the focus -- focus on yourself first and foremost. Direct your attention to your own legitimate needs. Begin to fulfill your deeper needs for fun and satisfaction in all parts of your life, not just your love life.

How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Relationship

Renew and refresh your other relationships. While you are preoccupied with your lover, other important relationships are likely suffering.

You need other people more than one in your life to love and support you in good times and bad. All these relationships require nurturing. It refers to your capacity to act in your own best interests, independent of what you think your lover and others might think or need.

Standing in your autonomy will give you a greater sense of balance and wellbeing. And it is inherently a lot more magnetic in love department.

Where there is no trust, there is no real relationship. Accept the relationship for what it is. It may be the relationship of a lifetime or might be a short-term affair.

If it is of the short-term variety, then it still has value and the potential for much enjoyment. You can, if nothing else, see it as an opportunity to hone your relationship skills. Mary Rizk, Transformative Coach - www. Work on your self-worth It would happen to me every time.

  • This Is How To Stop Obsessing Over Your Crush

Does he like me? I should clean the house. No wait, he should call me. It was like someone came along and flipped a crazy switch. It was about me, and meeting someone new brought the issue to light every single time.

When I was thirteen, my dad died.

how not to obsess over a new relationship

Suddenly, I went from being a normal 8th grader who loved to play music, to feeling like the walking wounded. A partial person, incomplete. Someone with a huge hole in my soul that only a boy could fill. And so it began, from this place of lack.

What this belief, rooted in lack, led to was a life entrenched in worthlessness. I finally saw my role in it, and hit rock bottom, after my divorce which was followed by a roller coaster ride of a bad relationship that I could not let go of.

When I saw myself and my choices, that night as I lay curled up on my bedroom floor, not knowing what to do or how to make things better, I finally owned it. To heal from obsessing when I liked a man since the only criteria I had was that he liked meI had to see that they were my drug, my escape, my numbness to the real stuff that was going on inside me, that I only knew how to run from.

I had not been willing to get real, deal, and truly look within. I understand why, now. It looked like big, scary stuff. Who wants to deal with death, violation of self, and relationship brokenness? But oh, when I did, what freedom! It was all within me. The answers, the healing. I had to admit that I used men and relationships to keep from having to think about or do the work on myself. Once I did the work, men became wonderful people with whom I could relate on an authentic level that I never knew possible.

No more bad choices. The hole in my heart had been filled and I was set free. Oftentimes, when we feel anxiety or a lack of control we will cling more tightly.

How to Overcome Obsession in a Relationship: 15 Steps

So if you value a specific relationship you may find yourself obsessing over every detail as you try to manage the instability of the emotions the relationship is dredging up. These uncomfortable emotions often stem from feelings of insecurity about either yourself or the connection you have with the other person.

Maybe you have specific expectations about the relationship that manifest by grabbing onto imaginary timelines or feeling certain behavior criteria need to be met to feel secure such as buying you flowers or calling at specific times. Either way you start putting a great deal of potentially negative energy into the relationship which can often roll into obsessive thoughts and behaviors.

So how do you stop letting your thoughts get the best of you? Become more mindful, meaning be present in your relationship. Do not worry about the future or dwell on the past. Be in the moment. Just allow the relationship to be what it is. Do some inside work, focusing on improving self-acceptance.

Maintain a sense of balance in your life by keeping up with friendships, hobbies and activities outside of the relationship. Follow the 3 steps below 1. Slow it Down A lot of women will sabotage their relationships by rushing towards the next milestone- the first kiss, the first vacation, moving in together, talking about marriage and kids, etc. Or maybe he knows how to say just the right thing to keep you interested, but then disappears again.

He was exactly my type. It started out innocently enough. He walked me out of the office one night when we were the last two working there. I was owning the conversation, the laugh, the way I could make him feel about me. I started out completely in control. That intoxicating feeling I would get when there was just a little danger in it, the flirtation, the knowing that I had an upper hand.

Until we were seeing each other, regularly. The awkwardness the next day at work. The desperation I felt to keep his interest. To make him want me. Maybe if I was only more tan with bigger boobs! Maybe if I act more fun around him! How I bought concert tickets to his favorite band. How great the sex was.

how not to obsess over a new relationship

How daring and adventurous I could be. How supportive and loving.

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He was not ready or willing to get into a relationship with me and that was that.