How to Take Control of a Relationship: 10 Steps (with Pictures)
Can you really take control of your relationship without being controlling? Absolutely. And here are 5 ways to get started. Too often people fail to see their part in a relationship dynamic. They see themselves as victims, not recognizing their power to improve the relationship. How to Take Control of a Relationship. Like it or not, there exists a balance of power in each relationship. For most, in the ideal relationship, power is balanced at.
His giving her directions ignited feelings she had experienced in her past with a controlling, critical mother. We often experience our lives through a filter of our own histories, insecurities, worries, expectations, or inner critic.
It can leave us feeling easily criticized or slighted by specific things — thinking someone is angry with us, for example. We put our own spin, interpretation, or projection onto the world around us. Therefore, we often react irrationally. Couples, in particular, have a tendency to act in this way. Of course, our partner will sometimes say and do things that upset us. When we act out or take the low road in responding, we usually just feel bad.
We turn against ourselves and the other person. And we rarely get what we want. Essentially, we are back in our past, reacting with intensity that has nothing to do with the present. And though we can never control another person, when we change our reaction, we make it much more likely to shift the dynamic, soften the other person, and keep the interaction between two adults in their lives today.
For example, returning to the couple who got into an argument while driving, the woman was determined to take a different approach the next time they had a potentially heated interaction.
You should be thanking me, not telling me what I did wrong! Instead of being at odds all night, the two of them were able to feel closer and more like themselves, even while addressing a mutual source of stress.
We can all take control of our responses and be the type of partner we want to be. We can shift the dynamic by changing our half of the interaction.
Here are some principles we can adopt to achieve this outcome: Take a pause to decide how you want to react. We often find that after a fight we have the perspective we needed before things escalated, so try finding quiet before entering a storm. If we feel really emotionally shaken up by another person, we should do what we can to calm down before we react. Take a few slow breaths before responding or try a moment of meditation.Winning the Power Struggle in Your Relationship
Anything we can do to help us feel less stirred up is a smart choice in these moments. Think about the big picture.
Gain Control Over Your Relationship Without Being Controlling | Vivala
We should always try to keep our eye on the end-goal. It may feel really good to try to win the battle of an argument, but not if we lose the war.
Keeping both the image of who we want to be and our goals for the relationship in the forefront of our mind can help.
Take note of your triggers. Every one of us would benefit from exploring and really getting to know the situations that set us off. This will also make you feel more empowered.
How to Be in Control in a Relationship
It is healthy to have your own hobbies and friends to spend your time with outside of the relationship. This is a good way of how to be in control in a relationship because it shows that you are comfortable with yourself.
Use examples and stand up for what you expect in the relationship. Know your limits and talk them clearly to your partner. Additionally, make sure your partner knows that no means no and validates your decision with supportive honest statements. Show your partner that you deserve the best. This type of confidence will help you have more power in a relationship.
If you are struggling with confidence, try to remember what is most important to you and that you are valuable and deserving.
Then, exude this in your relationship to help gain a bit of control.
Gain Control Over Your Relationship Without Being Controlling
If you want to be taken more seriously by your partner and gain a bit more control, then make sure to follow through with your words. Your partner will feel the difference and respect you more if you act consistent with your comments.
Also, you want to make sure to follow through and act when you are having a conflict with your partner. If you say there will be certain repercussions, then make sure you stick to your guns.
It works the same for keeping promises; make sure to be honest and do what you say. In relationships, respect is critical, so show your partner you respect yourself.