No one wants to worry or to take actions that make the problem ahead all the more threatening. They are likely to foster and enlarge your fears, creating nervousness where Mind-reading most of the time comes up with wrong answers. Dating and Relationships: Should I be worried about my relationship? Are you both not spending as much time together as you used to? The Anxiety Toolkit: An Anxiety Workbook for All Ages: Social Anxiety and Depression Self Help. This isn't to say a relationship can't do these things, it's just that . You fixate on an imagined future and worry about how and if you'll get there with him. all you should be thinking about is enjoying your time with him and.
We can experience pain, and eventually, heal. However, our critical inner voice tends to terrorize and catastrophize reality. It will completely distort reality and undermine our own strength and resilience. Just put your guard up and never be vulnerable to anyone else.
When we feel anxious or insecure, some of us have a tendency to become clingy and desperate in our actions. We may feel possessive or controlling toward our partner in response.
Conversely, some of us will feel easily intruded on in our relationships. We may retreat from our partners, detach from our feelings of desire. We may act out by being aloof, distant or guarded. These patterns of relating can come from our early attachment styles. Our attachment pattern is established in our childhood attachments and continues to function as a working model for relationships in adulthood. It influences how each of us reacts to our needs and how we go about getting them met.
Different attachment styles can lead us to experience different levels of relationship anxiety.
6 Ways To Stop Stressing About Your Relationship And Fully Enjoy Life With Your Partner
You can learn more about what your attachment style is and how it impacts your romantic relationships here. What Thoughts Perpetuate Relationship Anxiety? The specific critical inner voices we have about ourselves, our partner and relationships are formed out of early attitudes we were exposed to in our family or in society at large.
Sexual stereotypes as well as attitudes that our influential caretakers had toward themselves and others can infiltrate our point of view and shade our current perceptions. Critical Inner Voices about the Relationship People just wind up getting hurt.
Relationships never work out. Men are so insensitive, unreliable, selfish. Women are so fragile, needy, indirect.
He only cares about being with his friends. Why get so excited? She is too good for you. As soon as she gets to know you, she will reject you. As we shed light into our past, we quickly realize there are many early influences that have shaped our attachment pattern, our psychological defenses and our critical inner voice. All of these factors contribute to our relationship anxiety and can lead us to sabotage our love lives in many ways.
Listening to our inner critic and giving in to this anxiety can result in the following actions: Cling — When we feel anxious, our tendency may be to act desperate toward our partner. We may stop feeling like the independent, strong people we were when we entered the relationship. As a result, we may find ourselves falling apart easily, acting jealous or insecure or no longer engaging in independent activities.
Control — When we feel threatened, we may attempt to dominate or control our partner. This behavior can alienate our partner and breed resentment. Reject — If we feel worried about our relationship, one defense we may turn to is aloofness.
We may become cold or rejecting to protect ourselves or to beat our partner to the punch. These actions can be subtle or overt, yet it is almost always a sure way to force distance or to stir up insecurity in our partner. Withhold — Sometimes, as opposed to explicit rejection, we tend to withhold from our partner when we feel anxious or afraid. Perhaps things have gotten close, and we feel stirred up, so we retreat.Honeymoon Phase - Why Not To Worry Over Your Ex’s New Relationship
We hold back little affections or give up on some aspect of our relationship altogether. Withholding may seem like a passive act, but it is one of the quietest killers of passion and attraction in a relationship. It will lead you in the opposite direction, rather, and cause you to feel even more uncertain and insecure. It is not there to serve you and give you things like happiness and self-esteem.
It is not there to make you feel good about life and about yourself. It is not a goal to achieve. A relationship is an experience to be had and shared.
It is about discovering how compatible you are with someone else, and if there is enough chemistry and compatibility to form a lifelong partnership, also known as marriage.
The only work you have to do is to make sure you are your best self and get to a place where you can give and receive love. No amount of plotting or analyzing will change whether you and someone else are compatible. So you enter into the relationship as your best self and then one of two things happens: If you can realize this, really realize it, then there will be absolutely nothing to stress over.
Set a freak-out deadline A lot of us make the mistake of prematurely freaking out over something that really turns out to be absolutely nothing. You talk regularly, go on fun dates, it seems to be going really well. And then the devastation starts to creep in…followed by the doubts. What did I do wrong?
Was it something I said? Why do the guys I like always leave me? And just when the agony is at its peak….
How to Deal with Relationship Anxiety - PsychAlive
And everything is fine! You cling to the relationship even tighter because you remember how miserable it felt when you thought you lost it and you vow not to do anything to screw this up. Rather than reflexively panicking when something seems amiss, set a deadline.
Tell yourself that you will be fine with things for the time being, and if nothing changes in two weeks, then you can be upset about it and deal with it. Instead of getting angry about it, just give yourself a deadline. This little exercise will help you train your mind to stay calm and avoid spinning into a frenzy.
It will help you gain control over your thoughts and your mood, and this will be of major benefit to you and your relationship. And the funny thing is, whatever problem you wanted to get really upset about right away usually resolves itself before the deadline you set!
Be present The biggest problem with stressing over your relationship is it takes you out of the relationship and brings you to a much more disturbing place. Instead, just be present. Be right here, right now. Just enjoy it for what it is and let the process unfold organically. Being single is seen as something to be pitied, and being in a relationship is something to covet. As a result, a lot of us measure our worth by our relationship status.
Remember, only you can determine your own worth. You set the standard for how valuable you are. You do this by living a rich, fulfilling life filled with things you love.
You do things that make you happy, you work on improving yourself, you develop your talents, you take care of yourself, you do things that tap into your essence and allow you to express your true self.