Husband and Wife in Islam - 10 Tips to Spice Up the Bond
Here are the top 5 Recommended Islamic Books on Marriage for Muslim couples who've found tranquility and happiness in their marriage. HIGHEST RANKS TILL NOW: #6, #9 and #10◁ "She took my hand and placed it on her abdomen, she then shook her head gesturing that she had lost it, her. these within the context of the Islamic view of marriage and the family. It should get the total picture of their mutual duties the books should be read together. 2.
They make their husbands spend more than their means which may entail bankruptcy, murder, and other disastrous consequences. Such women are a disgrace to other women. If her high expectations lead to divorce, the woman will be deprived of the love of her children, and will have to live a life of loneliness.
For these women remarriage will not happen easily. Even if it does happen, it is not certain that the marriage will work out since most human beings do not like to be kept in unreasonable bondage and the new husband may not be able to meet their demands any better than the previous one.
Instead of being covetous, try to be reasonable. Spend more time and effort for the well-being of your family and husband rather than trying to imitate everyone. If your husband spends lavishly, then stop him and curb his unnecessary expenses.
Instead of buying non-essential commodities, it is better to save some money for a rainy day. She would taste the wrath of Allah on the Day of Resurrection'.
After having faith in Allah, there is not any greater blessing than to have a compatible spouse'. In fulfilling this responsibility, the man of the household must confront many problems and obstacles outside of the home.
Some of these problems may be the pressures of work, the hassles of traffic and commuting from the office to home, concerns over economical and political issues of the day, empathy and concern for friends and colleagues, and the pressures of trying to improve the living conditions of his family.
The amount of preoccupations and pressures upon a responsible man is enormous and multifaceted. It is no wonder that the average lifespan of a man is less than the woman.
In order for the human being to be able to cope with the burdens of life it is necessary to have someone to listen to and sympathize with him.
Your husband is no exception. He may feel alone and in need of finding refuge and comfort amidst these pressures. It is natural that the man looks towards his wife and family as a source of comfort and relief.
Therefore, anticipate his expectations and needs. Be cordial and warm when he first returns home after working and have refreshments or let him feel that you are at his disposal to care for his needs. Try not to overwhelm him with criticizing him the minute you see him. Let him rest and recover his strength before putting up the demands of the family's personal issues. When your husband comes home, try to have a smile and a warm greeting for him.
Attend to his physical needs of fatigue, hunger, and thirst. Then ask him about his problems. If he is not willing to talk, be a good listener and sympathize with him. Try to express your genuine concern and then help him realize that the problems are not as impossible and huge as he had thought. Give him encouragements of support to help him cope with the issues.
You can say something like this: These problems are being faced by many people. With a strong will-power and patience, it is possible to overcome the difficulties as long as one does not let the problems get the better of you. These problems, as a matter of fact, are tests as well as builders of the true character of a person. You can solve them through determination and perseverance. If you have some ideas on handling the problems, share them with your husband.
If not, may be you can suggest a good friend who is more qualified.
10 Tips to Spice up the Husband and Wife Relationship in Islam
You should come to his aid and nurse him like a sympathetic psychiatrist and wife. What a psychiatrist could give the amount of care that you would give? Do not underestimate your ability to soothe and strengthen him. There is no one more devoted and concerned over your husband's well-being other than yourself. He would be able to draw strength from your devotions to him and cope with his problems which will relieve his emotional and mental pressures.
Consequently, the mutual bond of respect and love would also be greater which can only lead towards strengthening your marital relationship. And a good wife is the one whose husband, becomes glad upon seeing her'. They are kind and sympathetic. They support their husbands in times of difficulty and in the affairs of this world and the next. These women do not commit any acts which would incur a loss upon their husbands nor multiply their difficulties'.
Acts of goodwill may then become second nature to the person whereby it becomes a habit to spend and share one's wealth for those in need. However, if the acts of goodwill are taken for granted and unappreciated, the person may lose the desire and drive to do good. It would be natural for a person to conclude that it was a waste to give away his hard earned money when it was unappreciated.
Gratitude and appreciation are admirable characteristics in a person and it is the secret by which one may attract charitable acts.
Even Allah has mentioned that gratitude for His blessings are conditional on the continual perpetuation of his grace upon mankind: If you are grateful would certainly give to you more, and if you are ungrateful, My chastisement is fully severe" Your husband is also human.Muslim Couples Open Up About Their Marriages - Brides
Like everyone else, he enjoys being appreciated. He is willing to support his family and regards it as a moral and lawful obligation. When he is thanked and appreciated for doing his duty, those duties no longer seem to be a burden. Whenever he buys home appliances or something like clothes and shoes for you and the children, be happy and thank him.
Show your gratitude for the trivial things he does such as buying groceries, taking the family on trips and gives you your allowance. By showing your appreciation, you will make your husband feel good and rewarded for the trouble he has taken.
Be careful that you do not take his duties for granted and become indifferent towards his contributions to the family. He may become disheartened about the welfare of the family. He may prefer to spend his money elsewhere or on himself. If a friend or relative presented you with a pair of stockings or a bunch of flowers, you would thank them repeatedly. So it is only natural and fair to show appreciation to your husband for his consideration and thoughtfulness.
Do not think that you would be belittling yourself by demonstrating your appreciation. On the contrary, you would be loved and cared for more because you appreciate the efforts of your husband whereas snobbism and selfishness can only lead towards great misfortunes. The following are some Traditions referring to the characteristics of gratitude: Some are too tail or too short, or too fat or too skinny, have a big nose or a small one, talk too much or are too silent, are bad-tempered or too easy-going, have a very dark complexion or a very fair complexion, or eat too much, or too less, and the list can continue.
Most men and women have some of these shortcomings. It is the hope of every man and woman to find a spouse who is perfect but such hopes are unrealistic. It is unlikely to find a woman who regards her husband as perfect. Those women who are in search of faults in their husbands will undoubtedly find them.
They would find a trivial shortcoming and exaggerate it by dealing on the matter to the point that it becomes an unbearable impediment. This defect then replaces all the merits of the husband. They always compare their husbands with other men. They have established a so-called ideal man in their imaginations whose standards do not fit in their husbands.
Therefore, they are always complaining about the shortcomings in their marriage. The women regard themselves as unfortunates and failures which gradually turn them into spiteful women. What does such behaviour in a woman do to her husband? He may be a very patient person who can tolerate his rudeness but most likely he will become insulted and develop a grudge against her. This would likely lead towards mutual arguments and elaborations of the shortcomings in each other.
They will both become contemptuous of each other and their life wit! Thus, they will either live in misery together or go for a divorce. In either case, both will lose, especially when there is no guarantee that another marriage may prove otherwise. It is a pity that some women are ignorant and obstinate in their ignorance. It is possible that they may shatter their family life over a trivial matter.
The following are some illustrative cases of such women: She was not prepared to go back home until he corrected his problem. On the basis of the husband's complaint, the court reconciled the couple and the wife returned to him. When the couple went home, the wife could still smell his bad breath so she went into another room. The husband went crazy and killed her'.
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There are those who are intelligent, realistic, and aware enough that they do not foolishly jeopardize their marriage and happiness by exaggerating the shortcomings of their husbands. Your husband is a human being like you. He is not perfect, but he may have many merits. If you are interested in your marriage and your family then do not set out to find his weaknesses. Do not regard his small defects as important.
Do not compare him with an ideal man whom you have established in your mind. There may be some faults with your husband which are not present in others. But you should remember that other men may have other defects which are non-existent in yours. Be satisfied with his merits. You will consequently see that his merits outweigh his faults. Besides why should you expect a perfect husband when you are imperfect yourself. If you are proud enough to think you are perfect, then ask others.
Why should you shatter your life for the sake of something unimportant? Ignore the faults and do not mention them in front of or behind your husband. Try to create a warm atmosphere in your family and enjoy the blessings of Allah. However, there may be flaws in your husband's character which you may be able to correct. If so, then you can succeed only by behaving considerately and with patience. You must not criticize him or start a row, but approach him in a friendly manner.
Before your marriage you may have had other offers of matrimony. These offers may be from rich, educated, handsome men, etc whom you may have wished to marry. Such expectations were natural before your marriage. But now that you have chosen your partner and signed a sacred covenant with him to be together for the rest of your life, then forget the past altogether.
You must put aside your past wishes and forget those past offers. Do not think of any men except your husband and find peace with him.
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If you do otherwise you will place yourself in a strained condition. Now that you have agreed to live with your husband, why should you be constantly noticing other man?
Why should you compare him with others? What do you achieve by looking at other men except putting yourself in a permanently miserable state and cause mental anguish for yourself? You might then think that man is perfect, because you are not aware of the deficiencies of such a man. You regard your marriage as a failure and this thought might lead to disastrous ends.
In the police station the woman said that, after three years of marriage, she gradually felt that she did not love her husband. If you are interested in an everlasting marriage; if you do not want mental distress; and if you want to conduct a normal life, then stop being selfish and forget your vain hopes. Do not make compliments for other men. Do not think of any man other than your husband. Do not think to yourself: Why should you upset the foundations of your marriage? If any of those wishes had come true, how would you know that you would have been more satisfied?
Are you sure that the wives of those so-called "faultless" men are satisfied with them? If your husband suspects that you show interest in other men, he would be disheartened and would lose interest in you.
You must not cut jokes with other men or keep company with them. Men are so sensitive that they cannot even tolerate their wives to show an interest in a picture of another man.
One such characteristic is that women are delicate, beautiful, and likable beings. They are charming, attractive, and lovable; whereas men are charmed, attracted by and love women's qualities. When a man marries a woman, he wishes all his wife's beauty and affection to be reserved for him. He wishes to be the only one who benefits from her charm, affection, coquettishness, beauty, sense of humour, etc and to strictly avoid men.
Man is, by nature, very ardent and intolerant of another man either looking at his wife or having any kind of relationship with her. He would regard a close relationship between his wife and other men to be a violation of his lawful right. He expects his wife to observe Islamic Hijab statutory Islamic dress for women and by adapting herself to Islamic behaviour and ethics she cooperates in maintaining his lawful rights.
Any faithful and fervent man would have such a wish. A woman's social behaviour, which is based on Islamic ethics, would set her husband's mind at rest; he would then work enthusiastically to provide for his family and his affection for his wife would increase.
Such a man would not be attracted to other women. On the contrary, a man whose wife is not concerned m with Islamic Hijab and displays her beauty to other men or socializes with them, would seriously become upset. He would regard his wife as responsible for trampling over his rights.
Such a husband would always suffer from distress and pessimism and his love for his family may gradually fade away. It is therefore in the interest of society and women that they should be dressed modestly and behave humbly; they should appear in public without any make-up and should abstain from showing off their beauty to others.
Observing Hijab is an Islamic duty. In short, they can win their husband's hearts and establish themselves in their families.
Thus forestalling harm to the young men, which would also benefit the women of the society. Islam is aware of woman's specific nature of creation and regards her as a very important base of society with responsibilities towards it. It demands her to make sacrifices to carry out her responsibility by observing Islamic Hijab, which in turn would forestall social corruption and deviation and go a long way in creating stability, security and glorifying her nation. But definitely the greatest reward is with the Almighty Allah for performing her divine duty.
You should not display your beauty and adornments to strangers, be it in the house with your close relations or at other social gatherings outside your own home. You must cover yourself before your brothers-in-law and their sons, sister-in-law's husbands, aunts' husbands, and cousins.
Being not dressed as per Islamic Hijab before these people is a sin and may also cause great distress to your husband, even though he may never mention it.
A woman is not restricted to covering herself to the same extent before her father-in-law, her own brother, and her nephews, although it is better to observe a certain degree of Islamic Hijab before these people too. In other words women should not appear before these relatives of hers in the same way as she would make herself attractive for her husband. This is because most men dislike their wives to appear attractive by wearing attractive clothes and make up before other men; and of course it should not be forgotten that the tranquility of mind and the trust of a man in his wife is crucial to the survival and security of the whole family.
When two people, who love together, and cooperate with each other, make mistakes, they must be forgiving, if they do not forgive each other, then their marriage will come to an end. Two business partners, two neighbours, two colleagues, two friends, and specifically, a husband and a wife need to be able to forgive each other. If the members of a family are unforgiving and pursue each other's mistakes, then either the family will separate or they will experience an unbearable life.
Your husband probably makes mistakes. He may insult you, abuse you, tell lies, he might even hit you. Such acts might be committed by any man. If your husband, after making a mistake, regrets it or you feel he is regretful himself for his misconduct, then forgive him and do not pursue the matter. If he is regretful but not prepared to express his apologies, then do not try to prove his mistake.
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Otherwise, he might feel humiliated and he may retaliate by picking out your mistakes and consequently start a major row. So it is better for you to remain silent until he condemns himself from his conscience and starts to feel remorse about it. He would then regard you as wise and devoted wife who is interested in her husband and family. Coping with Your Husband's Relatives One of the problems of family life is the one cause between the wife and her husband's relatives.
Some women do not have a good relationship with their husband's mother, sisters, or brothers. On the one hand the wife may try to dominate her husband so that he would not be able to pay any attention even to his mother, or any other relatives and she may try to sow discord between them.
On the other hand, her mother-in-law regards herself as the owner of her son and daughter-in-law. The mother tries hard to hold on to her son and is watchful that the new woman does not try to possess him fully. She may fabricate lies about her daughter-in-law or find fault in her.
Such an attitude might be followed by many arguments and even occasional hostilities. The situation becomes even worse if they all live in the same house. Even though a row may occur between two women, the real anguish and distress remains with the man in the middle. The husband is trapped in an argument where he cannot take sides. On the one hand is his wife who would like to have an independent life without any interference from outsiders. He naturally feels that he must support her and make her happy.
But on the other hand, he thinks of his parents who have helped him with his life, education, and have spent their own lives in bringing him up. He feels that his parents expect him to help them in their times of need and that it would not be fair to abandon them. Besides, if he himself was in need of something, who else, other than his parents, would help him and his family. As a result, he realizes that his best and most trustworthy friends are his parents and relatives. So, the dilemma for a sensible man is either to choose the wife and abandon the parents or vice versa; but neither of these is possible.
Consequently, he has to cope with both sides and keep them satisfied which, itself, is a difficult task. The only possible way to ease the situation is that the woman should be loyal and wise. A man in this situation expects his wife to help solve the problem. If the wife respects her mother-in-law, seeks advice from her, and becomes obedient and friendly with her, then the mother-in-law will be her greatest supporter. Is it not sad that one, who can attract many people through kindness and good manners, should repulse them through stubbornness and selfishness?
Do you not realize that in the ups and downs of life, one might need the help of others, and especially of relatives who would support you when everyone else deserts you? Is it not better to enjoy a good relationship with one's relatives through consideration and good behaviour?
Is it really wise and fair to become friends with strangers while breaking away from your own relations? Experience shows that when one needs the help of others, friends leave but the abandoned relatives come to help. This is because the family ties are natural and cannot be broken easily. There is a general proverb which says: It is they who would support one physically and mentally. Relatives always come to the rescue.
In times of need they could come to one's assistance faster than others. Whoever disowns his relatives will lose many helping hands. For the sake of your husband and for the sake of your own comfort as well as to find many good friends and supporters, put up with your husband's relatives. Do not be selfish and ignorant; be wise and do not cause your husband any distress. Be a good and devoted wife in order to be accepted by both Allah and the people.
For example, a driver who is mostly on the road and is unable to come home every night; a policeman who may have to stay out some nights; a medical doctor who has little time to spend with his family; a lecturer or a scientist who reads a great deal at nights; a mechanic whose clothes are dirty and have smell of oil; a factory worker who works at night.
Therefore, there are rarely jobs which are entirely convenient and do not entail any discomfort of the family. There is not any other way of earning an honest living than working. But is this truly what is practised in modern daily life? You can also express your gratitude through acts of consideration, doing something thoughtful or using your own perception to do something meaningful for your partner.
I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: Marriage can be a complex situation at times, but there are still basic principles of a man and woman and attraction at play in a husband and wife relationship in Islam and an effort made in this department can help strengthen the marital bond.
A good scent, a clean body, good dress, and some makeup and accessories for the ladies all communicate to your spouse that you have a positive attitude about yourself and that you respect your marriage enough to make the effort. Men must also make the effort to be well-groomed to the best of their ability.
However, this does not mean that fun within the marriage context should not be had. As much as marriage can fall into a routine, it is important that as a couple you two retain the identity of man and wife.
Play games, eat out at your favourite restaurants, and get the heart rate up with some fun adrenaline -filled sport. Create a buzz that you will remember and talk about for years to come. You have rights over your women and your women also have rights over you.
Their rights over you are that you provide food and clothing for them in good faith. Your rights over them are that they do not allow and nor do they give permission, for people to trespass into your house whose presence you dislike.
A man must take the helm as a provider, but equally, a woman needs to close ranks and protect the home from any presence that may threaten it. It is through this synergy and language of give and take that strong marriage is built upon. Love and a successful marriage are defined by kindness and acts of giving between a husband and wife in Islam.
At times, we give in kind, such as giving our love, time, effort, energy, imagination and compassion and that is enough. However, there are other times when a well-timed present makes a person feel that much more special. Get him or her, their favourite attar or book they would like to read. Contrary to what it may seem like, these are not necessarily material expressions of love. What it does convey, is that you took the time to observe and listen to your partners needs and found ways to meet them, which is in itself an ideal way to endear yourself to your partner.
Consider taking the time to discuss feelings and emotions. Both men and women are different in the ways in which they feel and interpret behaviour. Women are often known for being the more vocal sort, needing to communicate with and connect to the people who inhabit their world. On the other hand, men may be the strong silent type, who internalise their feelings rather than expressing them.
While there are exceptions to every rule, there has to be a safe space between couples that allow for those feelings to surface. Make sure conversations are constructive, rather than destructive. Speak from a place of building rather than breaking down. Take responsibility for the energy you bring to the table Narrated AbuHurayrah: When the Prophet peace be upon him congratulated a man on his marriage, he said: May Allah bless for you, and may He bless on you, and combine both of you in good works.
Sunan of Abu Dawood — Book 11 Hadith From this narration of hadith, it is evident that each partner needs to take responsibility for the attitude and the actions that they bring to the table in married life. They say that in this life, your experience is based exactly on what you give. If this is the case, what type of energy are you bringing to the table?
When it comes to marriage our approach needs to be equally as awakened and careful. A note to every Muslim husband and wife: No matter what challenges a marriage may be faced with if you change from the sour, frustrated, heavy attitude to a more pleasant demeanour it makes a world of difference to the general view of the marriage. Kindness, care and consideration to the marriage will all amount to a healthy dose of energy towards building a better bond.
For just one evening in the week, skip gym and get home a little earlier to your wife. Ladies, meet your husband in the middle of a work day for a lunch date. Most importantly speak to your spouse in the quiet times about acts of spontaneity that would add value to their lives. When you are tired from the rigours of daily living and feel overwhelmed by the number of commitments on your plate, just remember that all it takes is one of you to do something exciting and kind to start a positive chain reaction.
Marriage is the ultimate act of team work.