3 Ways to Stop Over Thinking in a Relationship - wikiHow
Focusing on negative events and overthinking can be the biggest predictor of some stages of a relationship to the chaotic tangle of thoughts that flood our minds, a type of overthinking that has been linked to depression and even suicide. I suffer from bad anxiety, and when I get anxious I tend to over think situations. I am a negative person and always see the bad in things. My relationship is suffering because of me, my anxiety kicks in and I worry about I also suffer depression and have had thoughts about killing myself, never would I. Overthinking things in a relationship can be beneficial in some aspects but also equally destructive. It depends greatly on the issues that are.
As adults, we tend to self-parent, telling ourselves the same things we were told as children. We can spend hours berating ourselves about details from our day without even realizing how unrealistic and cruel we are being. By identifying these thoughts and recognizing when they are triggered, we can challenge our critical inner voice and actually change our way of thinking. There are three important steps to standing up to this inner critic: Take note of what the critical inner voice is telling you and when it comes up.
Are you having mean thoughts toward yourself, attacking your performance at work? Just keep your head down and maybe no one will notice you. You deserve a break. Just have a drink and settle down.
Look at you just lounging around all night. You never finish anything. That is why it is so important to catch on to these thoughts. Think About Where These Voices Come From When you become aware of the specific thoughts you have toward yourself or others, you may start to see a pattern. Do you often feel more critical of your spouse when he or she brings up a certain subject?
You may be surprised to learn they actually have very little to do with you and your real feelings in your current life or in the current situation.
Overthinking? It Could Be Depressing You
For example, did someone treat you like you were stupid or incapable as a child? Were you taught to fend for yourself or not to trust others? All kinds of attitudes your parents or important early caretakers had toward themselves and toward you can seep into your consciousness and manifest themselves as your critical inner voice.
Understanding where these attitudes come from can help you to separate them from your real point of view, while having more compassion for yourself. Stand Up to Your Critical Inner Voice Journaling is a very helpful way to track what your critical inner voice is telling you. One very helpful exercise Dr. It also paves the way for you to then respond to these voices from a more realistic and compassionate perspective.
Firestone recommends that you write down or verbalize a reply to each of these thoughts the way a friend would talk to you, i. As you come to know your inner critic, you can see how listening to it can influence your behavior.
Pay attention to how your critical inner voice perpetuates that cycle of overthinking. Have that third piece of cake.
Keep him at a distance. It's always easy to make things bigger and more negative than they need to be. The next time you catch yourself making a mountain out of a molehill, ask yourself how much it will matter in five years. Or, for that matter, next month. Just this simple question, changing up the time frame, can help shut down overthinking.
Stop waiting for perfection.
This is a big one. For all of us who are waiting for perfection, we can stop waiting right now.
Being ambitious is great but aiming for perfection is unrealistic, impractical, and debilitating. The moment you start thinking "This needs to be perfect" is the moment you need to remind yourself, "Waiting for perfect is never as smart as making progress. Change your view of fear.
Overthinking? It Could Be Depressing You
Whether you're afraid because you've failed in the past, or you're fearful of trying or overgeneralizing some other failure, remember that just because things did not work out before does not mean that has to be the outcome every time. Remember, every opportunity is a new beginning, a place to start again. Put a timer to work.
Give yourself a boundary.
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Set a timer for five minutes and give yourself that time to think, worry, and analyze. Once the timer goes off, spend 10 minutes with a pen and paper, writing down all the things that are worrying you, stressing you, or giving you anxiety. When the 10 minutes is up, throw the paper out and move on--preferably to something fun. Realize you can't predict the future. No one can predict the future; all we have is now. If you spend the present moment worrying about the future, you are robbing yourself of your time now.
Spending time on the future is simply not productive. Spend that time instead on things that give you joy. The fear that grounds overthinking is often based in feeling that you aren't good enough--not smart enough or hardworking enough or dedicated enough. Once you've given an effort your best, accept it as such and know that, while success may depend in part on some things you can't control, you've done what you could do.
You can't have a regretful thought and a grateful thought at the same time, so why not spend the time positively?