What Your Birth Order Says About Your Relationships - mindbodygreen
Not only can we examine our birth order to learn about ourselves, we can More modern studies found that first-born children started talking earlier Two first borns in a relationship may have trouble because both may be. Find out what your birth order says about the type of relationship you have. First-born and only child: Ditto for this pairing, which may exhibit. “In a relationship, you can depend on first borns to push themselves hard and be “Youngest children can be infuriating for first-born partners just Growing up, only children never had to compete for their parents' attention.
To date, researchers are unable to pin down the definitive shaper of a child's personality, but there is one thing that remains constant in all competing theories: Most children have a parental figure to latch onto and learn from.
Though peers, siblings, genes, and circumstance all indubitably play into how a child's temperament develops, "I think the parents still are the major influencing factors because, truthfully, the first year of life is the bonding with the primary caretaker that impacts upon self-confidence, trust, the ability to interact with another person," says therapist Wallace.
Now, whether or not this primary caretaker is actually the biological parent is negligible, considering the increasingly changing definition of the modern "family. Fear not, supposedly manipulative, attention-hungry youngest children! Psychologists agree that personality is not fixed by birth order. Make a connection with your behavior and your position in the family hierarchy.
Do people always call you a neurotic nitpicker just because you always have to have things done just right? It may not be your fault, Perfectionist Firstborn.
How Birth Order Affects Your Child's Personality and Behavior
Identify how you feel because of it. Your 4-year-old wants to wear a purple sweater, blue jeans, and orange boots to school. But trying to talk your kid out of looking like Rainbow Brite is a futile battle, and the daily fight in the morning leaves you exhausted. Deliberately change your behavior. Leman says that these couples should learn to open up to each other more, and firstborns should encourage middle children to speak by asking things like: Another middle child As the rule goes, Leman says, middle children do not communicate well, and this is twice as bad in a middle child partnership.
They don't tend to confront each other about things, because they feel it isn't worth the hassle, and instead bottle up their emotions. Middle children supposedly have the best track record for building a lasting marriage, because they grow up learning to compromise and negotiate with their siblings, according to Leman.
However, this can be confusing to their partners because middle children can often hide their emotions instead of talking about what they really feel. Compromising middle children are a good match for lastborns.
Or, to keep things simple, just find little ways of building up each others' self-esteem by doing special things for each other. It's also important to make sure to give each other plenty of space for outside friendships and to show each other a lot of mutual respect, like phoning to say if you're running late.
Middle child-lastborn couples are a pretty good match.
What Your Birth Order Can Tell You About Your Love Life | HuffPost Life
Leman says that a compromising middle child tends to make a good partner for lastborns who are usually socially outgoing. They also have good communication, because middle children are not threatened by lastborns, so their communication problems aren't so much of an issue. There is a risk of middleborns being condescending, so Leman says to be wary of that. Also, it is important to realise that lastborns have a selfish streak and can be demanding.
The general rule, Leman says, is to not make fun at your spouse's expense; always laugh with your mate not at him or her. Remember that the middle-child husband or wife very likely did not grow up feeling special, so anything you do--small gifts, love notes, saying sincere little things he or she likes to hear--will touch the heart and strengthen your marriage.
While the following applies to every birth order, it's especially good for the first-born husband of the middle-child wife to remember: Every day women ask in one way or another, "Do you really love me? Work on drawing out your middle-child spouse. Keep in mind that as a first born your natural inclination is to give the answer, solve the problem. Instead, back off and ask, "What do you think? Middle borns are not only more perceptive, but they like the problem-solving role and smoothing a way for everyone.
First Born Plus Last Born Equals Bliss Usually According to one study of three thousand families, the odds for a happy marriage increase a great deal when the first born hooks up with the last born.
What is at work here is the opposites-attract-and-are-good-for-each-other factor. The first born teaches the last born little things that may be lacking, such as being organized and having goals, while the last born helps the first born lighten up and not take an overly serious approach to life. According to the researchers, the best possible match you can find is the first-born female and the last-born male. I took no part in this research so I can't be accused of making this claim because that happens to be the match Sande, my first-born wife, and I have.
I'm just very thankful it happened. First-born females are often mothering types and last-born males often need mothering.
I started out being fortunate to be the last-born brother of my first-born sister, Sally. Eight years older than I, she mothered me quite a bit and taught me a lot about women. For example, she taught me that girls don't like being approached by a bunch of boys who are show-offs--pushing each other, talking loudly, and doing stupid things that guys often do.
Sally also told me girls want a guy who is tender, understanding, and a listener, who realizes manners have not gone out of style. Most marriage counselors agree that men do not understand women very well. So any extra learning a boy can get while growing up is going to help him later when he has a wife and family of his own. Of course in my case, I certainly didn't come into our marriage a finished product.
I still needed some work, and Mama Bear was happy to oblige.
How Mama Bear Reformed Cubby Bear It may be a good rule of thumb to say any combination of first born and last born has a better chance for marital success than do other combinations, but success doesn't follow automatically. Good marriages are made, not born. Two people must work together on being considerate, caring, and mutually supportive. Naturally the Cub took advantage of his new caregiver.
Sande had to put up with my fussy eating habits and picking up my clothes after me wherever I dropped them. This went on through the early years of our marriage. One day, while I was working on my doctorate, Sande heard me expostulating on how to discipline children and hold them accountable for their actions.
If holding children accountable for their actions is good, holding a husband accountable might be even better, Sande thought. She went into action. Soon I found my little piles of clothing where I had left them. In no time the apartment became covered with my piles. Then came the day when I could not open the door because Sande had shoved a giant stack of my clothes against it to make room for whatever she was doing. That got my attention. Sande and I had a long overdue talk and shared our feelings.
You learn to pick up your own clothes and put them where they belong. Also, I'm going to fix different things for dinner. I expect you to at least try some new dishes. You owe that much to yourself and to our children--if you want to be the good role model you keep talking about. Don't let the last-born spouse take advantage of you. Sande was gentle-spirited but firm. She started expecting me to be a leader in our home and take an active role in meeting responsibilities.
At times, she reminded me of my high school English teacher--the one in whose class I never goofed off because I knew better. I even learned that changing diapers is not off-limits for a psychologist with a doctor's degree, and when our children started to arrive, I did my share of diapers, giving baths, and other baby care. In short, Mama Bear taught Papa Bear that parenthood isn't woman's work. First borns prone to faultfinding must back off.
If you want to find your last-born spouse's flaws, you certainly can because they are all over the place. Accept all the flaws you can or make gentle suggestions on how to correct them. And if you're the last born, remember not to flaunt your flaws in your first-born spouse's face.
- Who you should marry based on your birth order
- What Your Birth Order Can Tell You About Your Love Life
If you're a baby, remember others need the spotlight too. Last borns are notorious carrot-seekers as in, "Look at me, I'm performing--toss me a carrot. Last borns must remember they are not a one-man team. Because they have that first-born spouse who is probably keeping things organized and running smoothly, last borns may go off on their impetuous own now and then--to buy something, schedule something, or just do something without letting their spouse know.
The best marriage pairing based on birth order - Business Insider
One of the best bits of wisdom I ever received concerning marriage came from Dr. An only child, Dr. Dobson is scholarly, organized, conscientious, and reliable.
So one day while Sande and I were having lunch with him, I asked, "Jim, if there was one bit of advice you could give me, what would it be? Dobson's advice applies to any birth-order marriage match, but it especially applied to the last-born Cub and Mama Bear! I said to myself, If an only child with Jim Dobson's credentials thinks that's a good idea, then I do too!
I've tried to follow his advice ever since and it has always paid off. Middle Plus Middle Can Equal a Muddle As we have seen, two married middle children will probably not communicate well. They tend to feel it isn't worth the hassle to confront each other. They may also discount the value of their own opinions.Does Birth Order Affect Your Personality?
These attitudes are typical of middle children. One simple little device that I have used with great success when counseling a middle married to a middle is the suggestion bowl. Place a clear bowl or jar in a prominent place where both of you can see it and deposit in it your suggestions.
Keep pads of paper and pencils or pens handy. The husband should use one color of paper; the wife another. When the husband wants to tell his wife something, he writes a suggestion on his pad and drops it into the bowl. And when the wife wants to give hubby a suggestion, she does the same.
Some spouses--particularly men--think the suggestion bowl is too much of a crutch, but I talk them into trying it anyway because, the fact is, some of us simply can't look our mate in the eye and tell him or her what is on our mind. Some other tips to keep the middle-child marriage healthy include: Build up each other's self-esteem. Middle children often have a poor to only fair self-image, so let each other know you appreciate the other's strengths and abilities.