Enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship killers

The Enneagram Blogspot: Type 2: Love-Seeker

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship killers

Type 4, the Romantic, and Type 5, the Observer Romantics' depth of feeling and relationship focus and Observers' thoughtful analysis. INTP & Type 5 w 6 (On a side note, I think all of .. 8 Enneagram thx Andrea Personality Descriptions, Personality Types, Esfj, Intp, Enneagram Test · Personality. The Five Factors (in order of importance) are: Either Positive Outlook (Types 2, 7, 9), Reactive (Types 4, 6, 8), or Competency (Types 1, 3, 5.).

Subtypes Type 4 With A 3 Wing; The Aristocrat This type is less common than the 5 wing, and in many respects, resembles the type 3 in that there is a marked concern with prestige, status and with what seems, in terms of popular acclaim, to succeed.

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship killers

Sociable, friendly and talkative, this type is a lot more accessible, physically and emotionally, than the enigmatic 5 subtype, and are usually endowed with a witty, playful sense of humour and warm personal style. In some respects this subtype can resemble Twos with a 3 wing, being charming, engaging and interpersonal, but also in their feeling put upon, undervalued, and taken for granted. Both subtypes of the Four are given to self- pity and whining, the difference being 5 wings feel aggrieved by an abstract sense of alienation and neglect, whereas 3 wings feel a deficit of appreciation and respect in both their personal and professional relationships and are, therefore, inclined to actively petition for feedback, acclaim and encouragement.

If unhealthy, this subtype can be elitist and snobbishly dismissive of that which doesn't, by their reckoning, "make the grade" and can even be two- faced, in order to present themselves in a more favourable light. Often practical and tuned into popular culture, artists of this subtype tend to tailor their work to an existing audience, astutely noting what seems to work and positioning themselves accordingly, rather than trying to create a unique, unproven niche. Thus, whilst their sensitivity and talent rarely go unnoticed, they're seldom as innovative and original as those with a 5 wing.

However, more than the other subtype, Fours with a 3 wing display an awareness of social dynamics, pretences and mores which they can, as in the work of Oscar Wilde, subject to brilliant satire and scrutiny, exhibiting insight and deceptively profound wit.

enneagram type 5 and 8 relationship killers

A luminous and highly successful playwright, essayist and novelist, Wilde was also one of the finest talkers of all time. A man of brilliance and erudition, Wilde was to reflect that he put merely his talent into his work, but his genius into his life. Certainly much of that genius is lost to the annals of time; bon mots, inspired conversation, high living and tireless social climbing for, undoubtedly good- natured and kind- hearted, Wilde was a snob.

Type 4 With A 5 Wing; The Visionary Notably more numerous than the other subtype, the Four with a 5 wing tends to be mysterious, moody and individualistic, less practical or concerned with consensus than those with a 3 wing. When they do, however, it is with a determination and single- minded steeliness that belies their apparent frailty.

Indeed this subtype often manifests a fire, charisma and allure lacking in those of the somewhat more conventional 3 wing.

It is interesting that both Four and Five are introverted types and yet members of this subtype feature prominently in any role- call of creative icons. Perhaps the intellectual seriousness of the Five acts in accordance with the individuality of the Four, lending an inner- directed self- sufficiency and affinity for abstract systems that is conducive to the commitment and resolve necessary to bring their deepest, darkest dreams blinking into the light of day.

What unites all these very different individuals is a sense of artistic integrity, a willingness to forsake commercial success for that of creative fulfilment, and a defiance of dominant mores and fashions. Members of this subtype often appear like fully- formed walk- ins from another dimension; that they usually feel like this is perhaps why they are, when unhealthy, especially subject to despondency, alienation and withdrawal, disregarding life as worthless and brutish.

However, it is perhaps this same sense of apartness that makes the Four with a 5 wing the outsider who embodies and makes tangible otherwise hidden Universal thoughts, feelings and sensations. Remember you are no less capable, and no more prone to misfortune, than anyone else.

They are often to be found amongst eminent scientists, mathematicians and scholars, where their powers of sustained focus, deduction and connectivity place them at the forefront of innovation and inventiveness. Like Fours, Fives can seem eccentric and socially discomfited. Nonetheless, when engaged on a subject near to their hearts and considerable minds, Fives can be dazzling communicators, articulating complex concepts with ease, often with an endearing earnestness.

The Five type is, generally, introverted and private, difficult to get to know and somewhat emotionally obtuse. One of the comforts afforded by pure knowledge, information and absolute, impersonal systems is that they allow Fives an area of mobility and exploration unhampered by the illogical, capricious and downright painful business of human relations.

Fives can simply get lost in their fields of interest, dismissing or simply neglecting to consider, the existence of an outer world or contrary viewpoint. Their eyes glazing over, they may shuffle in discomfort or remain mute until they can once again steer the conversation back to their home ground. Immersed in their concerns and absolutely sure of the correctness of their position, Fives can appear to be hectoring, opinionated intellectual bullies, blithely rubbishing the opinions of those who they consider ignorant or less informed.

Empathy withers, and the unhealthy Five becomes a ranting voice in the wilderness, believing it is their place to inform, and yet dismayed at the incredulity of their listeners. As both Four and Five are introspective, this subtype is markedly more fragile and less grounded then those of the more robust, outer- directed 6 wing type. However, when healthy, this type is amongst the most inspirational, marrying intuition to intellect, tradition to originality and structure to spontaneity, the Four lending free- expression to the Fives love of systems and structural inventiveness.

Another notable member of this subtype is Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys, a shy, awkward loner who used the playful simple medium of pop as a template for complex, multi- layered music dramas, writing highly evolved anthems in praise of adolescent sun, fun and freedom. Rather like fellow Five with a 4 wing Michael Jackson, whose obsessive, meticulous performances and quite- literal immersion in "Neverland" provided an escape from a painful reality, fantasy seemed to offer Wilson comfort as well as a creative outlet.

The 6 wing lends this subtype a preoccupation with rules, structure and perfectibility, as well as an outward- looking awareness of the world and where and how their fields of interest relate to it. The influence of Six imparts a desire to communicate and share knowledge, and to articulate and render comprehensible otherwise unfathomable concepts, making this subtype amongst the best teachers, scholars and scientists.

Here we find an objectivity and intellectual cool- headedness that distinguishes members of this subtype as paragons of inventiveness, synthesis and discovery, the Fives abstract inquisitiveness perfectly complimented by the Sixes ability to recognize and communicate rules and structures. Problems arise when this very intellectual strength devolves into snobbery and a scathing dismissal of anything that deviates from the design, be it structural, ideological or ethical.

Members of this subtype may find themselves hampered by their adherence to what they perceived to be a perfect system or an unimpeachable political or moral viewpoint, the Sixes partisanship and obsession with rules exacerbating the abstract, and somewhat self- absorbed schematics of the Five.

When unhealthy, this subtype can become bigoted, judgemental and intolerant, the intellectual superiority of the Five compounded by the zealous tribalism of the Six. At this point they are in danger of repulsing the otherwise sympathetic, becoming paranoid and alienated, overlooking intuition, inspiration and the kind of openness that, when married to intellectual brilliance, manifests as genius.

Advice Because you have remarkable intellectual gifts doesn't mean you have to employ them all the time. A little bit of dumb- down- time every now and then is the equivalent of a well-earned postprandial nap. This resonates strongly with the Sixes own sense of vulnerability, arousing their protective instincts and desire for justice and communion. Guided by a sense of duty, Sixes can be practical, tireless team-workers, adept at galvanizing the troops and generating an esprit de corps.

Touching also is their trustfulness and keenness to see the beauty, innocence and goodness in others. Sixes are intensely aware of collective mores and standards, even when rebellious or loners. Try as they may, Sixes are always in some respect reacting to an authority, and may spend their lives seeking out someone or something to believe in.

In this respect, there is something masochistically Humpty Dumpty- esque about most Sixes; a process of unrealistic idealization and inevitable disappointment following the their being let down by the person, group or ideal in which they have placed absolute faith.

This quality can make interactions with them tiresome as Sixes, ever keen to identify a father figure who they can look up to, a victim they can defend or a scapegoat they can blame, seldom relate on an entirely equal footing.

One can feel that one constantly being tested, which sources from the Sixes anxiety, suspicion and insecurity. Subtypes The 6 with a 5 wing; The Frontiersman This subtype is less common than the 7 wing, and can appear more like the type Five in that they tend to be serious, reserved and self contained, emanating an inner strength and self- sufficiency that is notably lacking in the more open and effusive 7 wing.

Here is the archetypal tough frontiersman, the self- reliant loner, reluctant to open -up and mistrustful to a degree that, when unhealthy, borders on downright paranoia. The most cursory glance at the compositional notebooks of Ludwig Van Beethoven reveal the rigour and dedication with which he worked on his ideas, often putting a theme through a protracted process in order to arrive at a conclusion that was satisfactory both formally and aesthetically.

Technical displays of compositional mastery the Five's desire for formal integrity are often complimented by the Sixes rebelliousness, and a challenging of established rules and limitations. There is also a sense that he is striving to convey his innermost thinking, revealing something of himself and his complexity to the listener. The 6 with a 7 wing; The Provocateur This subtype expresses the more typical Six issues of belonging, acceptance and ambivalence, and, in stark contrast to the reserved, private 5 wing, tends to be vocal, engaging and more accessible, both companionably and confrontationally.

Whether a staunch conservative suspicious of change, or the eternal revolutionary storming the barricades, this subtype tends to run to extremes, eschewing moderation as concession, and is partisan by design, all too often defined by what they oppose as much as what they believe in.

Unlike the private, taciturn 5 wing, members of this subtype tend to "play out" their contradictory natures and insecurities, perhaps in a subconscious bid for some outer authority to take control. Unlike the self- reliant 5 wing, members of this subtype are generally unsuited to solitude, being essentially other- oriented pack animals.

Acutely aware of their own vulnerability, healthy Sixes with a 7 wing are sensitive to the neediness of others and go out of their way to provide fraternity, comfort and friendship.

However, the impulsiveness of the Seven can agitate the suspicion of the Six, leading to acts of self sabotage; they may extend the hand of friendship only to snap it back, ever fearful of being hurt or let down, repulsing those they wish to woo with their incessant testing. Advice Trust yourself, and accept that it takes all sorts to make a world.

Displaying very low boredom thresholds, they require the freedom to do what they want, when they want, as well as avoiding all things heavy and painful.

Whilst this might make them appear shallow to those of a more reflective disposition, one can be sure that no other type is as adventurous, fun loving and as endowed with life- affirming zest as the Seven. Sevens tend to have boundless energy and usually remain youthful well into advanced age. There is something Puckish about them, a mischievous playfulness and irreverence that delights in deflating pomposity, offending uptight sensibilities often with shockingly ribald language and slaughtering sacred cows.

This makes Sevens especially suited to stand- up comedy, where their quick wits, lightning responses and lack of self- consciousness provide them with the steeliness, the spontaneity and vigour to survive that often most trying profession.

Sevens also seem to be singularly suited to being drummers, where their hyperactivity, demands for variety and desire to be loud can be unleashed upon vast drum kits, resplendent with thumping toms, snapping snares and splashing cymbals. Whilst they can be remarkably disciplined and, if in a suitably interesting line of work, usually unerringly professional, Sevens tend to avoid routine like the plague, and can therefore have problems with committing themselves, both in terms of career and relationships.

In the latter case, Sevens often appear somewhat Satyr- like, being lecherous and sexually inquisitive. To a certain extent Sevens are, like Sixes, prone to anxiety. However, unlike the previous type who, seeking reassurance, voice their anxiety, Sevens tend to flee from it, and look for distraction. Alas, this is the last thing the average Seven wants to do. Thus, They can go into denial, adopting a smug, coarse veneer, trying, as in the case of the type Three, to project an image of contention and success.

Sadly, at an unhealthy level, Sevens can find themselves singularly ill- equipped to deal with the unavoidable vicissitudes of life, becoming hysterical, self- destructive and unable to access their natural joy and ability to ride the changes. Subtypes The 7 with a 6 wing; The Sprite This subtype exhibits some of the restlessness, ambivalence and anxiety of the Six with the impetuous manic propulsion of the Seven, making them markedly more vulnerable and undisciplined than those with an 8 wing.

Members of this subtype exhibit a quality of Peter Pan or the Eternal Child; often they resemble mischievous children, their conversation peppered with lewd, crude anecdotes and observations, the offensiveness of which is offset by their irreproachable twinkly- eyed innocence.

Indeed, this subtype more than any is capable of retaining youthfulness, in both appearance and outlook, into advanced age. This mixture of naughtiness with ingenuousness is in many ways embodied by that archetypal child-woman Marilyn Monroe, whose well- known problems with drugs, relationships and the maintenance a demanding acting career have become the stuff of popular myth, and act as a cautionary tale of the pitfalls of fame, and the sleaze that so often seethes behind glamour.

Her iconic persona, of a somewhat ditzy, doe- eyed nymph, one who seemed, without incongruity, to combine sexuality and innocence, still invites great devotion, pity and affection. Indeed, this unique mixture of the worldly and the innocent distinguishes this type, as the sunny optimism of the Seven compliments the trustful openness of the healthy Six, though the former's love of unfettered fun can be problematic when combined with the latter's anxiety.

Whilst members of the other subtypes or, indeed, any typemight be prone to over indulgence, addiction and burnout, Sevens with a 6 wing tend to be less defended, robust or capable of self- renewal.

Unlike the hardy Seven with an 8 wing, who can blast through problems and inure themselves against pain, members of this more vulnerable subtype need to nurture themselves, acknowledge problems where and when they occur, and embrace their innocence, openness and lovable tenderness.

Relationship Type 5 with Type 8 — The Enneagram Institute

The 7 with an 8 wing; The Connoisseur This subtype combines the forcefulness of the Eight with the verve and optimism of the freewheeling Seven, leading to earthy, energized individuals, endowed with both acquisitive urges and the practical abilities to satisfy them.

As comediennes, they combine thick- skinned iconoclasm with an endearingly childish glee, and often use mischief and crudity as a means of conveying the tragic, fallible but hilariously human, humour being perhaps one of the most pleasurable ways of getting to know, and getting to grips with, ourselves. This rather worldly subtype is capable of galvanizing the Eight's strength in gaining material success whilst retaining an energy and enthusiasm unsullied by the often corrosive effects of experience.

There is also grave danger of intemperate overindulgence's both Eight and Seven recognizing no limitoften with fatal consequences Kieth Moon, John Bonham, John Belushi. This provided no hindrance to his writing profound and deeply moving music, and it is perhaps this alliance of the sacred and the profane that make him one of the most touchingly human artists, one in whose work we see a mirror of our earthly as well as spiritual selves. Advice Recognise and cultivate your innate abilities, and acknowledge your vulnerability.

Eights have impressive drive, strength and personal power, a natural predisposition to leadership, and the will to extend their dominion, as well as to protect themselves and those under their care.

There is something quite awesome about the Eights sheer potency of purpose, their absolute certainty and fearlessness. Eights recognize that the squeaky wheel gets the oil, and are adept at having their demands met and needs fulfilled. They emanate authority, but are self- confident enough to seek advice and guidance where and when needed. Like type Ones, Eights are natural leaders, though, unlike that type, are prepared to make mistakes, acknowledging and setting right wrongs, in order to attain their objective.

Eights often have strong protective instincts and can draw people around them like a magnet does iron filings. Theirs is a strength and solidity you can rely upon, an unflinching bravery you can believe in. As such, Eights make superb campaigners and politicians, not to mention formidable foes.

It's likely that we didn't know something was part of our lovemap until we were confronted with a crisis that forced awareness into our conscious mind. Does everyone have a lovemap?

Yes, but some of us have lovemaps that are unclear, extremely distorted or "vandalized" by traumatic events such as rape or incest or humiliating early sexual experiences that engrave unhealthy ideas and feelings onto our unconscious template for a desirable mate.

Not everyone has the wholesome benefit of identifying in a healthy way with one or both parents especially the one of the opposite sex. Elements of the lovemap can become confusing, contradictory and bizarre under conditions that set up negativity, abuse, neglect or trauma in the person's unconscious beliefs and expectations for a mate and a love relationship.

For example, a person who believes he or she will be used, verbally abused and disrespected has a highly compatible lovemap with a partner who is hateful, abusive and disrespectful. Negative qualities in the lovemap work just as powerfully for establishing real chemistry as the positive ones. This helps explain why so many people continually attract the same kind of dysfunctional, abusive relationships.

Fortunately, there are many resources for changing and healing our lovemaps. For example, we can consciously choose to identify with different or more positive role models such as aunts, uncles, therapists, media idols, historic figures or literary heroes. Another example, in response to more complicated issues, is seeking depth therapy to raise our level of consciousness and psychological health in order to actually correct the self-sabotaging and dysfunctional aspects of our lovemap.

The major exception to this is the Enneagram, which I've found extremely useful not only in helping troubled couples and individuals but with all kinds of people. The Enneagram is an insightful, highly refined and respectful system that describes nine basic personality types, what drives them to perceive the world the way they do and how these contrasting worldviews produce nine distinctive constellations of behaviors.

Several specific factors developed through the Enneagram are good predictors of long-term success in intimate relationships. To me as a therapist, the Enneagram is what a hammer is to a carpenter. It's a basic tool that I use in all kinds of individual therapy, couples therapy and family counseling. It's especially useful for couples because it allows people to gain a profound understanding and appreciation of themselves as well as one another.

Reading about the Enneagram makes their thinking about their own personal problems more objective. It depersonalizes some of the pain and conflict, as they begin to more clearly understand the personality structure of their partner, as well as their own.

For example, before discovering the Enneagram I was aware of my own personality and knew I was extremely extroverted. However, I never put together all the underlying motives that make up my own type. Of course I don't like pain which is anathema to Sevensbut I didn't realize that avoiding pain had been a major theme in my life ever since I was a kid.

People have asked me: Coates, Mona; Searle, Judith. Sex, Love and Your Personality: The Nine Faces of Intimacy. Do you find this to be true in your relationships? OrangeAppledwistfulwistful and others thanked this post. Advertisement Fantastic Fantaseer wow, this seems cool and like you've looked into it quite a bit.