Enneagram 6 and 7 relationship breakers

Type 6 | The Enneagramexpert -

enneagram 6 and 7 relationship breakers

The points 5, 6 and 7, grouped on the left side of the Enneagram, represent to amplify the pleasures of life eliminating problems like boredom or suffering. A 7 -the ability to synthesise relationships and associations of idea. Type compatibility is more about similar levels self awareness than it is about personality type. but it is usually characterized with relationship problems. Woman is Type 7 (Enthusiast) However male Type 8 (Leaders) were more often found with female Type 2 (Helpers) and female Type 6 (Loyalists). They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. We have named personality type Six The Loyalist because, of all the personality types, Sixes are.

Sixes are reliable, hard-working, responsible, and trustworthy. Excellent "troubleshooters," they foresee problems and foster cooperation, but can also become defensive, evasive, and anxious—running on stress while complaining about it. They can be cautious and indecisive, but also reactive, defiant and rebellious. They typically have problems with self-doubt and suspicion. Of being without support and guidance Basic Desire: To have security and support Enneagram Six with a Five-Wing: Want to have security, to feel supported by others, to have certitude and reassurance, to test the attitudes of others toward them, to fight against anxiety and insecurity.

The Meaning of the Arrows in brief When moving in their Direction of Disintegration stressdutiful Sixes suddenly become competitive and arrogant at Three.

However, when moving in their Direction of Integration growthfearful, pessimistic Sixes become more relaxed and optimistic, like healthy Nine. Learn more about the arrows. Kennedy, Malcolm X, George H. Sixes are also loyal to ideas, systems, and beliefs—even to the belief that all ideas or authorities should be questioned or defied.

In any case, they will typically fight for their beliefs more fiercely than they will fight for themselves, and they will defend their community or family more tenaciously than they will defend themselves. The reason Sixes are so loyal to others is that they do not want to be abandoned and left without support—their Basic Fear. Thus, the central issue for type Six is a failure of self-confidence. If suitable structures do not exist, they will help create and maintain them.

Sixes are the primary type in the Thinking Center, meaning that they have the most trouble contacting their own inner guidance.

This does not mean that they do not think. But when you really do know, and maybe more than most, on a subject, it becomes a trap.

Relationship Type 6 with Type 7 — The Enneagram Institute

Sixes and relationships If you are a Questioner you will need to look at your tendency to try and think your way to safety and to seek guidance from others. Just like the other fear types a six will look to others to provide thoughts and information. In the case of a six she will listen too much and believe others to know more than herself.

That is a distortion of reality and it will cause those relationships where she takes the student role to be unequal. She simply needs to let that illusion go, and give up hope about outer guidance. Ideas may inspire you if you are a six, and support is a fine thing, but you are responsible and you must be your own authority.

A six who is in a relationship, or is raising a family, is very focused on the logistic wellbeing of her partner and children, and on the logistic details of the home. Just like a two, also an adaptive type, is focused on the emotional state and the emotional wellbeing of her partner, a six cares that everything run smoothly for her loved ones, as well as for herself.

When everyone is comfortable and things are on track, the six can fully engage in and enjoy her own comfort and flow. Sixes sometimes neglect their own interesest because they believe everything must be safely and well organized first.

Sixes doubt their know how at work, and work in the broadest sense. To a six a relationship or being a parent is also work. In the sense of a logistic task. The six takes upon herself to make it function well and smoothly, for all involved. She is not focused on emotion or the body, but thinks that if everything is well organized and comfortable, the persons involved will be able to feel good and relaxed and take care of their own needs.

A six may find it too much to look after the family logistics and get around to hanging out with her friends as well. To hang out with friends is something that sixes enjoy. There does not have to be anything special going on, like parties or events. Actually, even better if there is not. Sixes like smooth communication and interchange of helpful information. When that happens and you are comfortable and enjoying quality food or drink, or other pleasures, or just the simple pleasure of good, focused conversation, a six is enjoying herself greatly.

A six may keep up friendships that do not feel good to her anymore. The tendency of sixes to underestimate their own knowledge and contributions enhances their tendency to stay and not acknowledge being bored with the company. When it comes to love relationships sixes are better at knowing that they are not satisfied, simply because they are more focused on work that love. The practical aspects of coming together cooperation comes so natural to a six that she does not always stop to consider whether this coming together is really nurturing to her.

The same thing goes for relationships. A six will invest her best cooperative efforts. And sometimes end up in bewilderment because the other is simply not into cooperation, nor communication, the way she is. Fear in type six Types five, six and seven are the so called fear types, or head types, of the Enneagram. The underlying emotional atmosphere, and that which is avoided, is fear.

As we said above, fear in the six is about broken communication and lack of know how. A six will also be afraid when she thinks things about herself and reality that are not true, or when things are not clear. She will not be able to rest until she has clarified and knows the truth of the matter. Like fives and sevens, sixes rely on their thinking to find safety. That is a trap. A six needs to sink deeper, let go of thinking, and rely on her deeper knowing, her gut feeling. Then she will feel safe and grounded.

She also needs to access her anger. Unless she does she will be unclear about what she wants and feel powerless. When a six is afraid in a situation she will typically lose her ability to communicate clearly. Sixes suffer from the so called amnesia of succecss. They need to make a point of remembering that they were capable and sufficiently knowledgeable the past.

If you are a sixes you are much more down to earth than a seven. You feel good when the washing machine is on, and can do things at a nice, relaxed, pace.

You do not fantasize, or look for special or intense experiences. You typically like to do and see things, but being comfortable and at ease is much more important to you than having specific experiences. Compared to a five you will be more into people and cooperation, and less into science. Your interest in knowledge is very linked to its practical application. It is essential to the well being of all three head types to be grounded and present in the body. Your gut feeling is a very good guide, and when you let your emotions flow freely it comes easy and authentic.

Once a six gives up relying exclusively on her intellect, she feels more capable and sure of herself. Trust and inner guidance Knowing that you are a six can help you become free. Understanding your pattern will make you see how your focus on know how really keeps you from discovering and trusting you have it already. You will be able to see through your tendency to think others know better than you and accept that you yourself are the most reliable authority in your life.

In order to enjoy life fully you will have to give that up and allow yourself to experience, try out and make new choices based on your actual here and now experiences.

If you are a six, the direction of integration is toward point nine in the Enneagram. Your inner child aspect is nine. This aspect is within you, you need only listen to it and let it guide you. These are aspects of type nine that are helpful for you: You will know when you need to know. The nine energy can help you just relax and trust.

enneagram 6 and 7 relationship breakers

The know how will be there available to you when you need it. And if not, you can go get it. There is nothing to worry about. Your gut feeling, is a great guide, when and if your truly trust it, emotions like anger and lust, included.

That passive attitude can be too much in a nine, will create balance in you. Let your inner child slow you down, and just be. Maybe others will take more responsibility! A nine does not stop and argue intellectually about what to do. She does what feels right.

Being a body type she goes with her gut feeling. That will work great for you. Your inner nine child likes to be comfy and just hang out. She does not care to be focused all the time.

It is not all up to you. Tendency to overdo helpfulness and become intrusive and over emotional, need for appreciation, approval and attention, and difficulty sustaining a separate or independent self.

Develop own autonomy or independence and inner life. Work on moderating claims for time, energy, and connection. Encourage the Observer to move forward into life and feelings. Positivity and support, open-heartedness, engagement in life, social skills, generosity, and relationship focus. Move into feelings and stay engaged in life. Allow for dependency and nurturance.

Thus, while appreciating Givers support and care, Loyal Skeptics may back off from or confront what they experience as too much attention. A cycle of escalating conflict can result polarizing the situation with the Loyal Skeptic getting accusatory and the Giver getting emotional.

Withdrawal can ensue as one or the other or both types attempt to reduce distress. Eventually, this pattern can cause a lasting disruption of the relationship.

Tendency to overdo helpfulness, intrusive behavior, need for approval and attention, hidden dependence, and tendency to over influence with emotions. Questioning mind, healthy skepticism, loyalty, concern for underdogs, analytic skills, warmth, and endurance.

Notice and moderate intrusiveness the big forward-moving energyemotional claims, and helpfulness. Practice directness in expressing own needs and desires.

enneagram 6 and 7 relationship breakers

Positivity and support, open-heartedness, responsiveness, genuine caring, generosity, and sensitivity to others. Claim own authority and boundaries. State what actually is needed and desired.

enneagram 6 and 7 relationship breakers

Encourage Giver to express own autonomy, needs, and desires. Reduce the tendency to magnify what can go wrong. Type 2, the Giver, and Type 7, the Epicure Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Both types enjoy the strengths they share in common — especially flexibility, friendliness and the love of freedom and the good life.

However, Givers can find Epicures overly self-referencing and self-serving, hence not paying enough attention to the relationship or sufficiently reciprocating in give and take.

Givers can then feel neglected and unappreciated and become emotional, demanding, and guilt provoking. Epicures, on the other hand, can find Givers overly focused on others, intrusive, and too needy of attention. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can occur as the Epicure, feeling smothered and limited, can respond with escapism and rationalization and the Giver with angry outbursts and emotionality, possibly resulting in alienation and deterioration and even destruction of the relationship.

Disowned needs and desires, preoccupation with relationship and connection, and tendency to become inadvertently emotionally controlling. The many interests and ideas, healthy self-interest, idealism, flexibility, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship.

Develop autonomy the separate or independent self. Work on providing the Epicure with space while maintaining connection.

Express own deeper feelings, needs, and desires. Allow for slowing pace and increasing receptive force. Avoidance of painful feelings, difficulty accepting naturally occurring limits, tendency to avoid emotional commitment, and self-referencing to own interests and ideas. Giving and caring nature, strong relationship focus, generosity, and the shared optimism and quest for happiness Key Tasks for Building and Sustaining Relationship. Commit to the relationship while asserting boundaries.

Allow in feelings and concerns. In turn, the Protector often resists the influence and may react to feeling contained or manipulated with more confrontation and anger. Feeling rejected and devalued, the Giver may withdraw or burst out in anger and emotion. This all can result in a deep rift in the relationship and repeated cycles of uncontained reactivity leading to destruction of the relationship. Failure to focus on and express own needs, habit of altering to please, desire for attention and approval, intrusiveness, and potentially inadvertent emotionally manipulative behavior designed to soften and modify Protectors.

What to Appreciate in Protectors. Power and strength, assertiveness, encouragement and support of desires, zest for life, directness, and protectiveness.

[Enneagram Type 6] My experience with type 6 and 7 relationships.

Practice holding ground, expressing self directly, and claiming own needs. Work at accepting, not changing, the Protector. Develop the separate or independent self. Become aware of and moderate intrusiveness and emotionality that the Protector experiences as controlling.

Genuine care, helpfulness and willingness to give, sensitivity regarding feelings and relationships, and positive active energy. Develop sensitivity to feelings and allow in own vulnerabilities. Manage energy expression and boundaries.

Type 2, the Giver, and Type 9, the Mediator Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Givers and Mediators get along well together because they both are sensitive, pleasing, helpful, and accommodating.

enneagram 6 and 7 relationship breakers

But conflict arises when Givers become overly helpful and intrusive in an effort to get Mediators to set priorities, take initiatives, and say what they need even though Givers have great difficulty themselves with experiencing what they need.

When this pattern persists, the relationship can deteriorate and even dissolve. Steadiness, patience, genuine care, acceptance of life, empathy, and the tendency to counter active energy with a slower pace and relaxed attitude.

Notice and moderate emotions, pace, amount of advice. Develop and express own separate and independent self. Work at personal priorities and needs and encourage the Mediator to do likewise. Genuine care, helpfulness, empathy, sensitivity regarding feelings, liveliness, and positive active energy. Work on own priorities, personal boundaries, and needs and encourage the Giver to do likewise.

Take responsibility for own part in conflict. Be willing to confront intrusion and over giving. They can live parallel yet supportive lives with each taking on the tasks necessary to function and attain goals. They may even become competitive, experience one another as obstacles in the path of attainment and success, and feel insufficiently recognized. A cycle of ever-increasing conflict can result when this occurs. Then each can get frustrated, impatient, angry, and distance himself or herself from each other, leading to alienation and distant co-existence or dissolution of the relationship.

Inattention to feelings and relationship issues, excessive focus on work and accomplishments, desire for too much recognition, and difficulty slowing pace. What to Appreciate in Other Performers. Notice pace and moderate pace and allow in the receptive force. Encourage expression of feelings in each other associated with the development of the receptive force. Create time for non-work related activities and simply the relationship. Recognize that love comes from being, not doing.

Performers wanting approval try harder, yet often still disappoint the Romantic who pursues the ideal relationship. This pattern can result in a sustained gulf between them and even lead to dissolution of the relationship. Idealism, deep feelings, sensitivity to others, creative disposition, and quest for authenticity and depth. Allow self to experience depth of true feelings and more receptive force. Pay attention to and support the relationship. Attention going to what is missing rather than what is present, imbalance regarding feeling versus doing preoccupation with feelings and sometimes inattention to doingdesire for more attention and special treatment, and tendency to become self-centered.

Support for action, sustained effort, optimism, practicality, goal focus, and competence. Stay active and present even when feeling deficient.

enneagram 6 and 7 relationship breakers

Balance the human feeling side of endeavors with action. Acknowledge own sense of wanting more attention and depth. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 5, the Observer Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Observers support each other in work projects and shared activities.

As neither type habitually attends to feelings, they are unlikely to resolve the situation through dialogue and expression of personal feelings. They may become alienated and lonely leading eventually to termination the relationship. Pressure to move ahead, focus mainly on tasks and goals, impatience with analysis, shared difficulty in expressing personal feelings, and tendency to cut corners. Thoughtful analysis, thinking before doing, dispassion and relative calm under pressure, and undemanding quality.

Allow for periods of inactivity and reflection while encouraging the Observer to stay engaged.

Work on shared difficulty in paying attention to feelings. Respect boundaries and different work styles. Notice and moderate the fast go ahead energy and pace. Can-do attitude, accomplishment orientation, competence, engagement in life tasks, showing care through doing and facilitating goals, and enthusiasm.

Practice staying engaged and connected. Encourage Performer to moderate pace and activity level. Work on shared difficulty paying attention to feelings. Declare when alone time is needed. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 6, the Loyal Skeptic Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts When sharing a common purpose or goal, Performers and Loyal Skeptics can complement each other well with an action orientation balanced by thoughtful downside analysis. When Performers push ahead, somewhat blind to potential hazards and what can go wrong, Loyal Skeptics can react with caution and contrary thinking about pitfalls and worst case scenarios.

A cycle of escalating conflict can take place with the Performer seeing this as putting up obstacles to progress and success, which evokes impatience and a push forward into action. The Loyal Skeptic then can feel unheard and discounted, which increases his or her doubt and mistrust.

This can spiral into a web of angry allegations and eventually estrangement. Loyalty, warmth, healthy skepticism and questioning, ability to see the bigger picture, and sensitivity. Develop respect for pitfalls and downside of endeavors. Practice expressing own true feelings.

Enneagram Personality Type Six - The Loyalist [Part 7 of 10]

Notice and moderate fast pace and allow in receptive force. Optimism, caring through doing, sustained focus on goals, positive go-ahead energy, and support for achievements. Practice trusting in plausible positive actions. Be clear about own position and feelings. Pay attention to and express positives. Reduce tendency to either defer or challenge. Since both types avoid painful feelings and negatives, difficulties can reach crisis proportions before they are faced.

This cycle of blame creates pain and anger in both. If the difficulties are not faced, alienation can take place and the relationship can dissolve. Shared optimism and go-getter energy, mental quickness and inventiveness, positive possibility orientation, flexibility, and the playful adventuresome spirit.

Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives and encouraging the Epicure to do likewise. Practice slowing the fast pace and allow in receptive force. Develop patience by noticing the tendency toward impatience and releasing from it. Positive active energy, accomplishment and solution orientation, disciplined goal focus, practicality, and caring through doing.

Allow in painful feelings and seeming negatives, encourage the Performer to do likewise. Come more into the present moment and away from future planning. Type 3, the Performer, and Type 8, the Protector Synergies and Challenges Key Conflicts Performers and Protectors can join together in pursuit of shared goals with vigor and determination.

However, control and competition struggles can emerge unbuffered by softer feelings. A cycle of escalating conflict can ensue with the Protector picking up on the changes of position on the part of the shape-shifting Performer, leading to more provocation of the all-or-nothing style of confrontation. Hurtful fights, withdrawal, and disruption of the relationship may ensue leading to termination the relationship.

Strait-forwardness, big life energy, support for goals, action orientation, courage of convictions, and strength of purpose. Welcome negative feedback and challenge. Pay attention to own true feelings.