The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple (Book Review)
The Narcissist and the Borderline is the classic explosive romantic relationship. In this scenario, the Narcissist is the male while the Borderline. Never say “all” as far as “bitter” goes, it is the pw-NPD who becomes bitter. I was a partner with a diagnosed pw-NPD for 13 years, and intimate with a. (A second edition of this book titled, The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: New two to tango, and two to sustain a long-term relationship that involves abuse.
Lachkar provides case examples that each partner of the dyad must be assured of entitlement to his or her own subjective experience. The formation of healthy object ties provides for both the narcissist and the borderline a vital function and is not to be confused with fusion or immersion. Often such individuals who are partners in couples turn to the wrong self-objects, keeping the partners in a circle, reinforcing their delusions, boredom, confusion, anxiety, dullness, and emptiness.
While I suggest that both internal and external object function are vital, it needs to be emphasized that both need to be explored in light of these two specific disorders p.
She makes it clear that these personality disorders are not necessarily discrete and that each individual may show a tendency towards a behavior while exhibiting certain vulnerability. In her attempt to describe the bonds and binds that attract such individuals together, she simplifies the descriptors and describes the basic characteristics of each partner as components of events that perpetuate the circular, never-ending quality of the conflict.
Technology in a Narcissist/Borderline Relationship - Wendy O'Connor
According to Lachkar, the borderline is the one who searches for those with whom to bond. When the promise of that bond is threatened, the borderline responds with blame and attack as primary defenses.
Conversely, the narcissist tends to withdraw, becomes easily injured and fears becoming ordinary. The narcissist is constantly searching for others to confirm feelings of entitlement and is constantly seeking approval.
Lachkar points out throughout the book that even though these behaviors cause much pain, they are not purposefully enacted but are a replay or a reenactment of early primitive infantile longings. According to the author, these personalities function in the constant hope that these infantile longings, yearnings and wishes that are being expressed will somehow result in a happy ending and they replay it repeatedly hoping that the ending will be different.
Lachkar paraphrases Bion when she observes that unfortunately, couples who rely heavily upon magical thinking and repetitive behaviors never learn from experience because conflict is not resolved through repetition. I feel dizzy and confused. My head keeps going round and round. In front of me sits a married couple; they go on and on in circles, going nowhere. Suggestions for treatment and cautions about possible obstacles to change are carefully delineated.
As we watch the case studies unfold, and watch the abuser laser in on the psychological vulnerabilities of the victim, it feels as if one were watching the lion prey upon the weakling of the antelope herd in the African Veldt.
The Narcissistic/Borderline Couple: A Psychoanalytic Perspective on Marital Treatment (Book Review)
This bond between the abuser and the abused is the glue that holds the relationship together, and the bond is strong, dynamic and co-dependent. According to Lachkar, two narcissists or two borderlines would not be able to maintain intimacy over time.
Lachkar gives credit to her classical dance teacher of 12 years, Carmelita Marcacci, from whom she first learned the importance of artistic expression, the blending of technique and feelings, and the effect that one human being can have on another.
References Lachkar, Joan Can borderlines and narcissists have healthy relationships? I wrote something sparked by a comment someone made about not knowing what a normal relationship is, and thought I would share it here. What is a "Normal" Relationship?
Stop Caretaking the Borderline or Narcissist: How to End the Drama and Get on with Life
I don't know what normal is. That was all I knew for over a decade. I just wondered which partner in other relationships who was the blamer and rager and which one was like me. You may not know what normal is. You may have grown up in households with unhealthy models—sometimes even abuse.
Relationship Stages With A Narcissist Or Borderline And Triangulation
So before talk about the high conflict relationship, let's take a look at what defines a healthy relationship and compare and contrast it with your current relationship. Of course, no relationship is perfect. But it's helpful to know where you stand and what you're shooting for. Traits of Healthy Relationships A list of what makes for a good relationship could be quite lengthy and might differ from couple to couple.
But here are some characteristics mentioned over and over by marital therapists. Ask yourself what's important to you and whether or not your current relationship meets your needs on a scale of 0 not there at all to 5 high. This isn't a quiz; just something for you to think about as you look at the whole relationship.
In a healthy relationship, couples need to make compromises. But neither partner should ask the other one to change things about themselves central to who they are or what they want out of life. Respect is also about treating each other in the way you'd like to be treated, even when you're angry and frustrated.
Other signs of respect include caring about the things that are important to your mate and recognizing that differences are OK.Why do Narcissists target people with BPD and CPTSD? Misdiagnosis?
In a healthy relationship, partners are there for each other with warmth and affection through both good times and bad.
Even when their opinions differ, supportive spouses try to see things from their partner's point of view. Without keeping track on paper and pencil, people in workable marriages attempt to be there equally for each other.
Otherwise, partners can get burned out.
Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship.