Adoption and relationship issues

Adoption - abandonment issues?

adoption and relationship issues

I'm sure that others can recommend books about adoption and relationships. Though you have not had issues with being adopted, be aware that you know. But if adult adoptees can come to the realization that they may have a tendency to replicate the adoption process of being "given away," they might be better able . Some adoption-related emotional difficulties that you may experience as an adult adoptee can also lead to adopted adults' relationship issues. Although there is.

Loss of culture can complicate identity issues, particularly in transracial adoptions; however, this loss may not be able to be fully grieved until children reach adolescence and sometimes even adulthood. Loss of country, language, etc. Whenever the adopted person experiences another loss - whether it is a parental divorce, a breakup, the loss of a pet, moving, changing schools, etc.

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One resource I highly recommend for dealing with loss is the book Tear Soup. Even when we know that an adoption plan was created out of love and with the child's best interests in mind, it doesn't mean that the adoptee child or adult doesn't feel rejected or abandoned. Often when an individual feels he or she has been rejected or abandoned in the past, they are constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop with the next person.

They may be afraid to commit to a relationship. Sometimes the person who believes he or she has been rejected or abandoned and thus believes he or she is likely to be rejected or abandoned again will unconsciously create the situation that will cause rejection or abandonment. He or she may push a romantic partner away or behave in ways to seriously test the relationship.

They may not understand what they are doing or why they are doing it. Unfortunately this emotional pain can interfere with parent-child relationships, romantic relationships, and even friendships.

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Sometimes even children whose parents have both died from a tragic accident can feel abandoned and all these same outcomes are risks. The key is whether a person feels rejected or abandoned, not the actual facts of one's story.

Psychological Issues Faced By Adopted Children And Adults

Just as subsequent losses remind the adopted person of original losses, additional rejections can be experienced more powerfully for the adopted person that feels that he or she was rejected or abandoned.

For example, when your second grade or younger! While it may seem like an exaggeration to you with your perspective on schoolyard romance, it is an accurate expression of how the child feels and his or her fears and feelings of shame surrounding adoption and rejection.

adoption and relationship issues

The shame experiences when rejected by a potential date is nothing compared to feeling rejected by one's mother. Some believe that their behavior was the cause of rejection or abandonment. Some believe that they do not have value and were not good enough a or cute enough.

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This is too heavy of a burden for anyone, especially a child, to bear in my opinion. Guilt and shame can contribute to low self esteem and at times self-destructive behaviors. Feelings of guilt can also play out by demanding perfection of oneself.

Enduring feelings of guilt may lead to the experience of guilt even an inappropriate situations. In some situations adoptees may try to give away possessions or large sums of money. Identity "Where do I fit? Even in same-race infant adoptions, children seem to innately understand that genetics contributes to who they are and what they will become. An adopted girl is convinced that her parents are her natural parents.

However, they are unable to explain to her why she is in their wedding photographs when they had told her she was born a year after they married. A male baby is adopted by a Jewish family and is raised in the Jewish religion. These are just a few of the types of situations that adopted children find themselves confronted with either during childhood or after they enter adulthood. Other Sources of Information: There are many autobiographical books available, written by those who were adopted and writing about their experiences that provide lots of information about the issues experienced by these people.

In addition, a Google search of the internet will yield lots of research studies done on this very issue. Issues faced by adopted persons: It is very common for those who were adopted to feel rejected and abandoned by their birth parents. This is accompanied by feelings of grief and loss.

There is no set time or age when these feeling surface but, sooner or later, they do. Feelings of loss and rejection are often accompanied by a damaged sense of self esteem. There is an understandable tendency to think that "something must be wrong with me for my birth parents to have give me away.

Guilt accompanies loss and grief because the adopted individual believes that they are being disloyal to the people who adopted, loved and raised them. They do not want to hurt or betray their adoptive mother or father. Feelings of guilt and fears of being disloyal were what prevented the girl in case "C" from asking the obvious question, "why am I in your wedding pictures if I was not born yet?

In cases B and D there is a disconnect with the original heritage of the birth parents. For the Asian young woman, raised in a large family with many siblings, the obvious racial differences did come to "haunt her" later on.

adoption and relationship issues

While she wished to visit the Asian nation of her birth, she was so totally identified with being American, and even "while" that she feared stirring up her past. She, too, did not want to cause any hurt to her adoptive parents.

adoption and relationship issues

However, it must be said for them, that they encouraged and offered to help her in her search. Despite this encouragement, she was not ready to do any search. Long discussions in therapy never revealed what she feared. According to the great psychologist, Eric Erikson, adolescence involves a search for self identity.

While this search is difficult for most teenagers, it presents special problems for adoptee. Assuming they never met their natural parents and family and have no idea of their genetic background, they are left with a gigantic gap in their search to answer the age old question, "Who am I. In all of the cases above, a huge gap existed in this information. Except for the Asian young woman, all were denied any information, mostly because the adoptive families, either wittingly or unwittingly, did not provide necessary facts.

Missing genetic information is important for obvious medical reasons.

Psychological Issues Faced by Adopted Children and Adults

It is important for everyone to have knowledge of the medical history because it can provide clues to genetic diseases. For example, in case D, the patient entered psychotherapy unaware that he had Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder. His family was unaware of this as well.

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If more had been known about the birth parents, it might have been possible to predict his childhood problems at home and at school. It was only after entering psychotherapy that he was evaluated and diagnosed with ADHD and appropriately treated for this. The information was relieving to both him and his adoptive parents because everyone now knew that he was never "bad" or "dumb" but afflicted with this disorder of the brain.

Many adults who were adopted struggle with fears that they will be disloyal to their adoptive parents if they search for their natural parents.